Portland's BEST Downtown Secret? This Inn Will SHOCK You!
Portland's BEST Downtown Secret? This Inn Will SHOCK You!
Portland's BEST Downtown Secret? This Inn Will SHOCK You! (And I'm Still Recovering) – A Messy, Honest Review
Okay, people, buckle up. I'm still mentally unpacking my stay at this "secret" Portland inn, and honestly? It's a rollercoaster. The title promises a shock, and honey, it delivers. In a good way, a "wait, did that really happen?" kind of way, and a "my wallet is crying but my soul is singing" kinda way. Let's dive into this… experience.
First Impressions & Accessibility - Whew, Not Always Smooth Sailing
Finding the place was an adventure in itself. The "secret" part is real. It's tucked away on a side street, and let's just say my GPS had a moment. Finally, I rolled up, buzzing with anticipation.
- Accessibility: Now, I'm not a wheelchair user, but I did try to keep accessibility in mind. The website claimed to be accessible, and honestly, it mostly seemed that way. The lobby had a ramp, and the elevator was decent. However, maneuvering through the hallways felt a tad tight for a wheelchair. Further, I couldn't 100% see the rooms accessibility.
- Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private]: This was a godsend after the navigational fiasco. They had a super-smooth express check-in option, or a private one, which I eventually opted for because, well, drama. More on that later.
- Elevator: It worked! (A huge win in my book.)
Rooms - My Own Little Sanctuary (Mostly)
I booked a room hoping to get the "Shock" the inn's title promised, and to my delight, got the Shock.
- Wi-Fi [Free] - The room was equipped with everything, and a good internet service.
- Air conditioning, Blackout curtains, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, In-room safe box, Mini bar, Non-smoking, Private bathroom, Refrigerator, Satellite/cable channels, Seating area, Shower, Slippers, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens - Everything I was looking for. The room was nice, cozy and I felt relaxed.
- Rooms Sanitized Between Stays: This was a big plus, especially after the last few years of heightened hygiene awareness.
- Bathroom: Clean, functional, and with the little touches that make you feel pampered. And good water pressure! That’s important.
- The "Shock" Factor: Okay, so about the decorations. Let's just say they weren't subtle. Think bold colors, maybe a slightly questionable painting or two, and a general vibe of "lived-in luxury." It certainly wasn't minimalist, which I loved. Loved.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking - Where the Magic Happens (And Sometimes the Mishaps)
This is where things got interesting.
- Restaurants, Bar, Coffee shop, Poolside bar, Snack bar: More variety than I expected.
- Breakfast [Buffet], Coffee/tea in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant, Breakfast takeaway service, Alternative meal arrangement: The breakfast buffet was a thing. A beautiful, messy, glorious, glorious thing. The scrambled eggs were fluffy, the pastries were flaky, and the coffee… the coffee was bottomless. I'm pretty sure I drank enough to fuel a small nation. One day I grabbed a takeaway, and I ate it in my room.
- A la carte in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Soup in restaurant, Western cuisine in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant, Salad in restaurant: The inn had some dining options, I loved the desserts.
- Room service [24-hour]: Yes!! Perfect after a long day of exploring.
- The "Mishaps," AKA The Story of the Disappearing Croissant: One morning, I was cruising through the buffet, eyes bigger than my stomach, when I saw it: a perfectly golden, impossibly flaky croissant. I grabbed it, turned away… and POOF! Gone. Vanished. Apparently, a rogue seagull decided to sneak in (through the open terrace door, of course!) and made off with my breakfast dream. The staff, bless their hearts, were mortified and brought me a new croissant, plus a few extra pastries as an apology. It was hilariously chaotic.
Ways to Relax & Things to Do - Spa Day, Anyone?
Okay, this is where this inn truly shines.
- Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: The pool area felt like an oasis. The view was breathtaking, and the whole atmosphere was relaxing.
- Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Spa/sauna: I got a massage, and it was pure bliss. Definitely worth it.
- Proposal spot: There seemed to be proposals happening left and right. Very sweet.
- Things to do: The front desk seemed super eager to help, which was nice.
Cleanliness & Safety - Feeling Safe & Sound
- Hand sanitizer, Daily disinfection in common areas, Room sanitization opt-out available, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: The inn had their cleanliness routine down, which made me feel very safe.
- Individualy wrapped food options: Made me feel cared for without them knowing my history with food.
- Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour]: The inn had safety covered.
Services and Conveniences - The Little Things That Make a Difference
- Daily housekeeping, Concierge, Cash withdrawal, Luggage storage: Easy peasy.
- Dry cleaning, Ironing service, Laundry service: I will totally take advantage of these next time.
- Facilities for disabled guests: I will be sure to investigate this more the next time I visit.
- Invoice provided: For those of us who expense it all!
- Safety deposit boxes: A great plus for someone like me who is always losing stuff.
Business Facilities - For Those Who Can't Escape Work (or Want to Pretend)
- Business facilities: I'm on vacation, but I saw a few business meetings happening.
- Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting: All of this.
For the Kids - Family-Friendly Fun
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: Good for the whole family!
Getting Around - Ease of Exploration
- Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Taxi service, Airport transfer: Very convienient.
In-Room Tech - The Essentials
- Internet, Internet Services, Internet [LAN], Internet access - wireless: all good.
Final Verdict: Worth the Shock? ABSOLUTELY.
This inn isn't perfect, sure. There were minor hiccups: a slightly wonky GPS, a disappearing croissant, and a few areas where accessibility could be improved. But the charm, the quirky personality, the amazing staff, and the incredible amenities more than made up for it.
This place isn't just a hotel; it's an experience. It's a slice of Portland weirdness and wonder, wrapped up in a cozy, luxurious package. It’s the kind of place that stays with you long after you check out.
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- Title: Portland's BEST Downtown Secret? This Inn Will SHOCK You! (Honest Review)
- Meta Description: Uncover a hidden gem in downtown Portland! My candid review of an inn that's luxurious, quirky, and full of surprises. From the amazing spa to the chaotic breakfast buffet, get ready for an unforgettable experience! This one's a must-try!
- H1: Portland's BEST Downtown Secret? This Inn Will SHOCK You! - A Messy, Honest Review
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Alright, buckle up buttercup, because this isn't your grandma's travel itinerary. We're talking about navigating the glorious, gritty heart of Portland, OR, from the esteemed (cough) Downtown Value Inn. And trust me, from what I've seen of this joint, the "value" part is…well, let's just say it’s emphatically there.
Downtown Value Inn: A Love Letter (Mostly Sarcastic) to Portland (and My Own Sanity)
Day 1: Arrival…and Existential Dread in Room 207.
Afternoon: Arrive at Portland International Airport (PDX). Okay, PDX, you're actually alright. Easy to navigate. Bonus points for the carpet – that's some real, unapologetic 90s aesthetic. Grab a shuttle to the Downtown Value Inn. Ugh. The drive in? Rain. Of course, there's rain. This is Portland. And the view from my window? Another building. Another grey building. Yay.
Anecdote: The shuttle driver, a burly dude with a handlebar mustache that could sweep a sidewalk, kept regaling me with tales of how Portland has "gone to hell." He probably says this to everyone, every single day. I'm getting the feeling this is a local pastime. I kind of dig it.
Afternoon (cont.): Check in…pray for a decent room. Room 207. Oh dear God. The door sticks. The carpet? A questionable shade of…well, let's call it "early potato." The air conditioning sounds like a dying walrus. I think I found a stain on the ceiling that resembles a grumpy cat. I'm already contemplating if I can manage the night. Seriously, I'm starting to question all my life choices that led me to this moment.
Evening: Venture out… cautiously. First priority: FOOD. I NEED food. Down the street to a place called "Deschutes Brewery Portland Public House." Heard good things. Hoping the beer doesn't taste like the room.
Observation: Portland feels like a city designed by flannel-clad, beard-stroking hipsters who also happen to be serious food people. Which is a good thing, because I'm HUNGRY.
Update: Food = glorious. Beer = delicious. Suddenly, the room doesn't seem quite as bad. Okay, maybe it's the haze of a few IPAs talking.
Day 2: Coffee, Books, and the Unrelenting Search for a Decent Pillow.
Morning: Coffee. EMERGENCY Coffee is needed. Find Stumptown Coffee Roasters. I'm bracing myself for a line. I’ve been warned.
Quirky Observation: The people here are intensely serious about their coffee. Like, they can probably tell me the exact origin of each bean and the diameter of the portafilter. I can barely manage to pour the stuff without spilling it.
Rant: The pillow situation at the motel is a tragedy. It's either a brick or a marshmallow that's already lost its puff. I might have to resort to folding the towel in half. I'm already planning how I'll buy a new pillow when I'm back home.
Morning (cont.): Powell's City of Books! This place is a freaking maze. Lost for at least an hour. Found a first edition of something ridiculously expensive I definitely can't afford, and then decided to make a quick turn away.
Emotional Reaction: Seriously, the smell of old books is pure bliss. This is a place I could get lost in for days. I feel this weird, comforting sense of belonging, even though I'm practically glued to the floor with literary wanderlust.
Afternoon: Lunch: Food carts! Portland is famous for them. Scored some amazing tacos somewhere off Burnside. Actually, no. I don't even remember the name of the cart. Just…tacos. Spicy deliciousness. They were so good I nearly face-planted into them.
Rambling: The food cart scene is a testament to Portland's laid-back attitude. It's messy, it's vibrant, and you can get literally anything you crave for lunch. I think this city is starting to grow on me… despite the room.
Evening: Stroll to the waterfront. Go see the "White Stag" sign. It's iconic, I guess. Take some pictures. Then watch the sunset. It might or might not exist through the clouds. (Spoiler: it did not. It started to rain.)
Honest moment: I'm missing my dog. So, so badly. This trip is great so far and I love the food, and yet I really want to go home and hug my dog.
Evening (cont.) Another pint somewhere… I think I'm developing a problem. Or maybe, I'm just adapting to the Portland lifestyle.
Day 3: Double Down on Experience: FOOD CART APOCALYPSE…and Maybe a Bike Ride?
Morning: The alarm. Ugh. Another day. Another dodgy shower. Another day of existential gloom in room 207. But hey, tacos are calling.
Morning (cont.): Back to the food cart mayhem! This time, I'm bravely exploring the "pod" (as they're called). I'm determined to find the best breakfast burrito in Portland. This is now my personal mission.
MORNING (in truth, all day): I spent the entire day at food carts. I swear, I ate at least six different things. Tacos, burritos, crepes, something with fried chicken, and a massive, glorious burger. I wandered aimlessly, driven by a craving that defied all logic. I chatted with the food cart owners, learned about their lives, their dreams, their spice blends. I met a guy who makes the best jalapeno sauce. He gave me a sample. I may or may not have shed a tear of joy.
Strong Emotional Reaction: The food cart experience was pure joy. The variety, the flavors, the atmosphere. It’s a symphony for the senses. It's life-affirming. It's… well, I’m officially addicted.
Afternoon (in theory): Biking the waterfront? Maybe. If I can stand up. My digestive organs might be in open revolt. But, the idea is there. Update: Bike ride aborted. See above. Too much tacos.
Evening: One last Portland beer. Contemplating whether to stay at the Downtown Value Inn. It grows on you, in a weird way.
Opinionated thought: Portland is a place of contradictions. It rains constantly, but the people are warm. The buildings are grey, but the food is vibrant. The Downtown Value Inn is a dive, but the city? Maybe, just maybe, it's a little bit magical.
Day 4: Departure…and the Eternal Question of the Pillow.
Morning: Pack. Curse the pillow. Check out. Secretly take a rogue picture of room 207 for sentimental purposes. The memory of that room is etched for life.
Morning (cont.): Airport shuttle. Goodbye Portland. Until we meet again, you beautifully weird, food-obsessed, book-loving place.
Afternoon: Depart from PDX. Reflect on the pillow situation.
Future Thought: I'd go back to Portland. I would bring my own pillow. And I would definitely go back to the food carts.
Okay, spill it! What *is* the secret of this place? And why all the DRAMA?
And the drama comes because... well, you’ll see. It’s just that good. And I’m protective of it. Consider yourself warned.
Is it REALLY a "shock"? What makes it so special?
And the staff? OMG, the staff. Forget those bored desk clerks. These people actually seem *happy* to be there. Which, in the hospitality industry? That's a miracle. They remembered my name, made recommendations that were actually good (unlike those tourist traps you'd find on the internet), and generally made me feel like I was actually *welcome*. It's a different level of service, like they care about you personally. It's just…weird. In a good way.
What’s the catch? There *has* to be a catch, right?
Okay, so tell me about a specific experience. Something that REALLY blew you away.
I may have squealed a little. Don't judge me. I immediately ran to the front desk and bought fire starter and some wood. (Expensive, but worth it.) Then, I built a fire. I’m a terrible fire builder, by the way. It smoked up the room a bit… I almost set off the smoke alarm (major crisis averted), but eventually, I got a glorious blaze going.
The rest of the day I just... existed near that fire, in my robe, with a cup of the inn's excellent coffee, and one of those ridiculous, overpriced pastries I shouldn't have bought. (The pastry? Regretful, but delicious.) I read a book. I stared out the window at the rain. I completely forgot about the parking hell, the gloomy weather, and the generally annoying day I was having.
That fireplace? It was pure, unadulterated *bliss*. That inn? That day? That, my friends, is why this place is a secret worth keeping. Maybe the best experience of my life. Don't judge me.
Is it kid-friendly? Pet-friendly? What about... you know... *romantic*?
* **Kids:** I believe there are some kid options but I'm not sure, I didn't see many. Could be! Check the website. * **Pets:** Yes! They are pet-friendly, which is a HUGE plus. * **Romantic:** OH. MY. WORD. Romantic? Honey, this place *screams* romance. Fireplace? Check. Cozy ambiance? Check. Secret courtyards perfect for a stolen kiss? Double-check. I’m pretty sure I saw a couple holding hands, and I got super jealous, and secretly hoped they were getting engaged, so I had something to watch! It's the kind of place where you'd propose, or celebrate an anniversary, or just hide from the world with your favorite person. Or, you know, hide from the world by yourself, like I did. All are good.
Where can I find this place?! And, fine, what's the name?
And the name? Fine *fine*… While I don't want to give away the name, I'm not THAT selfish - it is called The Heathman Hotel, and the name is right near the intersection of SW Salmon and SW 10th Ave. Please don't expect me to tell you the room number, or you might find me there, in a robe, eating a pastry, and refusing to leave.
Go. Discover it. And then... tell me all about it. Because I bet you feel the same, you'll be obsessed. Happy travels, and if you see a slightly crazed woman in a robe, sitting by a fire, just smile and nod. You'll understand.
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